Hey cows! Ha! I'm posting again(: Here are some jokes for you to distress! xD [thou' some are very the lame]
I Go Down In Flames
Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It’s a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says: ‘Pierre, kiss me!’ Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie’s lips. ‘What are you doing, Pierre?’, says the startled Marie. ‘I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine! She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, ‘Pierre, kiss me lower.’ Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts. ‘Pierre! What are you doing?’, asks the bewildered Marie. ‘I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!’ They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, ‘Pierre, kiss me lower!’ Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, ‘PIERRE, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?’ Our hero stands up, defiantly, and says, ‘I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!’
I Thought We Were Pretty Good Friends
One day, a large group of people is waiting for the bus at a local Greyhound station. At the front of the line is a very attractive woman dressed in a black business vest, white blouse, leather miniskirt, and high heels. As the bus pulls up and opens the door, she goes to board it, but finds that her skirt is too tight for her to raise her leg to the required height. Looking around and thinking quickly, she reaches behind her and undoes the zipper on the back of her skirt a little and then tries again. Again, she finds that she cannot manage the step, so once more she reaches behind her and unzips her skirt a little more. With a smile, she looks at the bus driver and tries to board again. She finds that she still can’t step that high and so with exasperation and a sigh she unzips her skirt the rest of the way down. To her amazement, her leg still will not reach the bottom step. Finally, a very large Texan behind her gently grabs her by the waist, lifts her up, and places her on the bus. The woman turns to the Texan furious and says, “Who do you think you are to touch my body in that way? I don’t even know you!” The Texan looks at her and replies, “Well, ma’am, after you unzipped my fly I thought we were pretty good friends.”
Studying
A beautiful female college student has an exam the next day. Knowing that she will fail, she went to her professor’s office. “Professor, I would do anything to pass this exam,” she said, “Anything you want.” Upon saying this, she looked at the professor seductively and starts unbuttoning the first button of her shirt. “Anything?”, the professor asked. “Yes, ANYTHING!” was her reply. She then unbutton-ed the second button of her shirt. “Well…”, the professor muttered. She flipped her hair back and unbutton-ed her third button. The professor whispers, “Really anything?” She smiles seductively, “Yes, anything you want…any…thing..*pant* *pant*” The professor gazed into her eyes and whispered, “Would you…..study?”
